I think I died a long time ago.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
