I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
