Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
