Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this boner is exhausting
do herpes really smell.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize