He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize