how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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