I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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