Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
