whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize