making cat noises will not fix the situation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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