Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
