high people should be assigned attendants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
