We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
