There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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