Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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