so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
