Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
