When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
