And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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