Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
