Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize