but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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