Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
