Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
