she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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