just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
