Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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