i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
