what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You made out with two different species that night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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