thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize