I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
