i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
