just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
