who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
