I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
