things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The struggles of a small town man whore
Come share oat with me in your robe
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
