i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
