6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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