Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm too high and old for this...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
