Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize