You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
