Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think i have two assholes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize