i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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