i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
