I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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