Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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