My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
