I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
