literally had 100 drinks last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
