We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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