If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
