he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
