whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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