I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
