So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
