I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
