I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize