You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
