In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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