..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
