i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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