It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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