The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
