Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
