The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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