So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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