I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
