I showed him my bush... on skype.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
