So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
