I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
