I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
