carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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