This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
